The Subconscious Mind and its Effect on Self Love

May 18, 2022

Ok so this was supposed to be an blog about relationships, but I thought, you know what? The MOST IMPORTANT relationship you have, the one that's taken me the longest to figure out, is the one with yourself.

So, today we're talking about self love.

This has been a life long journey for me. Understanding my worth. My value. The power of my thoughts.

This is the kind of power that helps you make a REAL mindset shift, not just with your wellness journey but your life.

Now, I still struggle sometimes, we all do. But I want to give you some tips that helped me overcome a lot of the negative self talk that was keeping me down and holding me back.

So, grab a cocktail, or a cup of coffee and let's break this down.

One truth I've found in my journey, is that our thoughts really dictate how we see the world, the situations we find ourselves in and the people we attract. And these thoughts normally stem from somewhere much deeper, our childhood.

A mentor of mine, Gabby Bernstein, changed my life, especially when I was going through a divorce and in a lot of pain. She's written a couple books, most recently, Happy Days, the latest book I couldn't put down.

At my lowest points, she teaches that there is no "Whoa is Me" moments, you are exactly where you need to be even in the hardest parts of your life, you're learning and growing and becoming a better version of yourself. I've carried this mindset with me ever since. It didn't make the pain less, it made it purposeful.

One of the things Gabby talks about a lot (and I've discussed in the years of therapy) is small traumas. The little moments of your life that shape how you see yourself and the world around you.

My example is my body image issues. I've dealt with them my whole life and when I think back to my childhood there's always one moment that sticks out in my mind. I was young, around 11 or 12 and my aunt made a comment about how big I was.

She didn't say it to be unkind or rude, she was just making a passing comment the way that generation always did. But it was one of the small traumas that shaped the way I saw myself well into adult hood, even still.

My work centers around body positivity and I truly believe in it, but there are still days I catch myself staring in the mirror picking apart every piece I don't like.

So a few steps to working towards Self Love..

Let's start with SELF AWARENESS.

When we apply this to nutrition, I often tell my clients, when you're craving a bag of chips, for example, how do you talk to yourself if you pick them up? Do you think it's BAD to eat them? You've really messed up?

Instead try being more clinical, and understanding WHY your body craved them. You start digging into your bio feedback and understanding your bodies cues and it becomes less about YOU and more about your biological cravings. You not only start to understand your body better but you stop assigning the bad language to yourself.


This is a hard one. I do this with mirror work, I find a mirror and I sit and I talk to myself. It normally gets really emotional for me, but I talk to the 11 year old girl, or whatever version of me that needs to hear this.

I tell her it's not her fault that she feels this way in her body, that she doesn't feel valued.

You may be skeptical about this approach, but I'm telling you. Try it.

You also need to forgive yourself in the moments throughout the day that you're unkind to yourself. If you look in the mirror and you start picking apart your body, stop. Look at yourself and forgive yourself. It's not your fault that you feel like this in your body, it's a lifetime of dieting and society telling you that you shouldn't. It's not your fault that you don't feel like you're enough, because YOU ARE.

Finally, Pick an affirmation.

Whatever works for you. It can be simple, or long, whatever positive words that feel right to you.

My favorite right now is, 'YOU ARE ENOUGH'.

I often do this in the mirror, I say it over and over, and again it often gets emotional for me, but it works. Sometimes I just feel like a total bad ass, sometimes I cry, but every time I feel better because I'm being kind to myself.

Listen ladies, this is a heavy topic and I go WAYYYY deeper in my podcast The Wellness Revolution but whatever you do today, I want you to practice being KIND to yourself, GIVING YOURSELF GRACE, and REALLY LOVING YOURSELF.

Because you deserve it.

Remember The scale is not the only measure of success

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