The Wellness Revolution Podcast with Amber Shaw

380. You Attract What You Haven’t Healed: How to Stop Picking the Wrong Partner with Dr. Becky Whetstone

May 22, 2025

What if the key to not repeating the past isn’t finding the perfect partner but healing the patterns that led you to them in the first place?

In this episode of The Divorce Revolution Podcast, I’m joined by Dr. Becky Whetstone, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of I Think I Want Out: What to Do When One of You Wants to End Your Marriage. We talk about what no one tells you about remarriage, why the divorce rate for second marriages is over 75%, and the subconscious patterns that make us attract partners who reinforce our unhealed wounds.

If you’ve been divorced and you want to do it differently next time, this episode is for you.

Resources Mentioned:

I (think) I want Out: https://marriagecrisismanager.com/i-think-i-want-out/
Sign up for ReNewU waitlist to get early access: https://products.ambershaw.com/signature-waitlist
Nail Your Niche: https://ambershaw.samcart.com/products/nail-your-niche
Cured Nutrition use code AMBER for 15% off: https://www.curednutrition.com/

What I/We Discuss:

Dr. Becky’s background and the 75% second divorce rate
Childhood trauma, emotional immaturity, and subconscious patterns
Why we attract partners who reinforce our old wounds
Boundaries, love languages, and the martyr mom trap
Self-responsibility vs. self-blame after divorce
The five stages of marital deterioration
The power of preventative therapy in healthy relationships
Triggers, abandonment wounds, and the power of awareness
Blended family dynamics and the hidden emotional costs on kids
Step-parenting, discipline, and parenting style clashes

Key Takeaways:

“You don’t attract what you want—you attract what you are.” – Dr. Becky Whetstone

“Most people don’t need a new partner. They need a new level of emotional maturity.” – Dr. Becky Whetstone

“If you don’t heal the wound, you’ll keep choosing people who trigger it.” – Dr. Becky Whetstone

Find more from Guest:

Website: https://marriagecrisismanager.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationshipcrisismanager/

X: https://x.com/DoctorBecky

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doctorbecky/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/becky-whetstone-ph-d-33866211/

Medium: https://medium.com/@doctorbecky

Find more from Amber:

Instagram: @msambershaw

Website: ambershaw.com

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@msambershaw