The Wellness Revolution Podcast with Amber Shaw

TWR 079: The Comparison Trap

Hey, Mama– I’ve got a question for you. Does this statement sound all too familiar? “I’ll be happy when…” Yikes. Depending on how you finish that sentence really shines a light on your perceived self-worth. Well, Lady, take a seat and grab a glass of wine and listen to the major truth bombs that Amber is dropping for us today all about the comparison trap– the trap we are all guilty of falling into when we compare ourselves to others. Amber even quotes a saying from Tim Tebow based on his own research findings: On average, we spend 12% of our days comparing ourselves to others. 

What do you think about that? Think it might be more than 12% at times? So does Amber. Maybe you’re inclined to agree with Amber again, she says early in the episode that men certainly feel pressure as the society-deemed provider of the family. Women? We feel pressure as well. External pressure. Rather than say, “Damn, I wish I had that girl’s energy!” or “Damn, she just has so much joy! I wish I could be more joyful like that.? No, as women, we are more likely to fall into that comparison trap of the external attributes of, “Damn! I wish I had those legs.” Sub out the word legs with anything else you’d like. Abs? Butt? Cheekbones? It’s like we’re standing in front of Regina George’s mirror nitpicking all the things we wish we could change. But here’s another question: How does that make you feel?

As Amber says, we should want to grow and improve on ourselves. “Our inner work is never done.” But, when this drive for growth becomes so predominant that it dictates our lives, we have to start questioning our intentions. Going down the rabbit hole of comparing yourself to others and then causing negative emotions you feel toward yourself– girl, this is wasted energy. So, what do we do about it? Luckily, Amber is giving us her example of what she does to yank yerself out of the comparison trap. First, she does daily gratitude *practice.* You like the stars around practice? They’re there for a reason. It is a daily practice to find something (five things, in Amber’s case) to be grateful for. Not only does she find those five things, she makes sure that they are different every day and then she takes a moment to feel that thing or person she is grateful for. 

The second thing Amber does is pull a tool from a Wellness Revolution favorite and previous guest of the podcast, Gabby Bernstein. Amber uses Gabby’s “Choose Again” method. You have to be aware and recognize when the comparison trap has been triggered. Once that happens, rather than feel guilty for falling into the trap, you are empowered to choose again– choose a positive reaction, maybe one of gratitude? As Amber reiterates through the episode, we all fall into the comparison trap, but what will you do to pull yourself out of it? 

Tune in for more!

Wellness Quote

  • “When you are constantly comparing your body, your job, your house to someone else, you can miss out on what is directly in front of you. You can miss out on the many, many blessings that are right in front of your face.” –Amber Shaw

Key Highlights

  • We spend 12% of our day comparing ourselves to others. For men as the providers of the family, that may be more materialistic like a job or house, but for women, it is more likely to be external comparing different parts of our bodies;
  • Our inner work should never be done, we should constantly be seeking growth;
  • We run the risk of missing out on things that are directly in front of us when we fall into the comparison trap;
  • When you have fallen into the comparison trap, it is not easy to find things to be grateful for, but that is why it is so important. We have to be intentional and actually practice gratitude;
  • Amber finds five things she is grateful for every day before she opens her eyes in the morning. These things are different from day to day and she takes a moment to actually feel that thing or person she is grateful for making the practice more intentional and impactful;
  • There is a difference between accepting yourself for who you are and wanting to experience personal growth– the drive for growth should not come at the cost of mental wellbeing. If you’re finding that it does, take a closer look at your intentions and find your “why”
  • Use Gabby Berstein’s “choose again” method to react differently when the comparison trap has been triggered for you.

Episode Resources

About Amber Shaw

Amber is a Body Transformation Expert, Founder of The Wellness Revolution, motivational speaker, and NBC Health and Wellness Coach. Having built a lifestyle that allowed her to embrace work, children, exercise, and well-balanced eating habits, Amber now works with helping and coaching women to achieve the same level of serenity and empowerment through a sustainable way of living.

Connect with Amber

Instagram: @msambershaw

TikTok: @msambershaw


Facebook: Amber Shaw